One year to go!!!

Wow, in EXACTLY 365 days I will be getting married. I will be a Mrs.!!! The 4 1/2 months since I got engaged in Paris over Valentine's Day have FLOWN by. We have already booked the caterer, photographer and DJ which is all VERY exciting!! The garden looks AMAZING and I can't wait to see what it looks like next spring when everything has had a full year to grow and bloom!!!

Mom is currently focused on brainstorming for the centerpeices. We both agree that with so much natural floral beauty surrounding us we don't really want to have cut flowers on the table (for the bouquets and boutineires and such, of course!!). We're thinking about having potted herbs and flowers on the tables or something along those lines!! Personally, I'm getting excited about dress shopping :) My personal favorite designer is Alfred Angelo, and they JUST opened a shop in Springfield which I am VERY excited about!!! I'm thinking that my MOH's and I will swing by on Sunday to check things out and see what all this dress shopping is all about!!

I'm still suffering some "loss of identity" anxiety with regards to changing my name!! I feel very strongly about keeping my middle and last name, but at the same time I want to have the same last name as my husband and future children, so I feel like I'm going to end up having four names :) I already suffer loss of identity from moving to a different county!!!!! Not that I don't LOVE the new house (I absolutely ADORE it), but it's in a different county which has caused some angst.

J and I are both enjoying slowly but surely merging our lives together. While, of course, I'm having a blast planning the wedding and am SO looking forward to it and the honeymoon, I'm really just excited about spending the rest of my life with such a wonderful man. Does he drive me CRAZY sometimes? Of course, and I'm sure that I drive him bonkers from time to time as well, but we are learning to work through those hairy moments and truly be partners for life. It's so nice to always have someone to talk to about all the minute details of life ... someone to BUILD with those details to a great life for all time. I think that so many marriages fail because one or another person in it remain too focus on the "sparkle." Dating can be so much fun and so exciting, and it's easy to get pulled into the "well, it's the next step" argument for getting engaged ... and then you have this AWESOME party to plan and are getting presents all the time ... I can see how couples could be focused on the wrong thing and then they get back from the honeymoon and suddenly, it's just not exciting anymore. It's all TV and take out!

Personally, I like TV and take-out and have always prefered staying in and snggling up with a good movie to going to glamorous parties or bar hopping ... so and I am genuinely excited about the PARTNERSHIP. J and I are a great team. Do we always get everything right? No, we're human, but we can work through our problems and end up closer than ever at the end of it.

I think that the biggest challenge that I am facing as I plan this wedding is the potential to be disappointed. It's hard because I'm the first of my friends to get engaged and plan a wedding ... so people don't actually GET what I'm going through ... J and I pride ourselves in giving ALL we've got to our friends. We will absolutely drop everything for a friend in need, and it definitely hurts our feelings when friends and family don't do the same the one time J and I ask for it. My feelings have definitely been hurt by LOTS of people in the wedding party so far because it just doesn't seem like people care. I know, I will ALWAYS care WAY more about centerpieces and foods and dresses than anyone else because it's MY wedding and it's MY vision ... but it really does sting when people just seem to blow off wedding stuff ... particularly the party we organized to get the wedding party and family together. Yeah, most people showed up and we had a GREAT time, but there were several people who were just plain thoughtless. My goal for the next year is to not let these people bother me. J and I chose to put them in the wedding for a reason, and I won't let their myopia bring me down as I plan my big day.